Dear Andrea,

My boyfriend of two months is completely jealous of my past. What’s the deal? Is this a red flag? Should I be apologetic of my past?

Sincerely,

A chick with a past…

Wow, we need to apologize for things we have done before we met someone? Unless you were involved in a criminal act against him or his family members, it seems ridiculous.  I would think it was a red flag if he were following you around in his spare time and constantly checking your cell phone. Otherwise he is just being annoying. He needs to get over your past and you need to stop talking about your past because it is well, the past. 

Dear Andrea,

For years I have aimlessly “dated” guys of questionable behavior which led to my own questionable behavior. I am trying to change, I really am. Now I have met someone I am completely crazy about. He is smart, funny, and seems to like being seen with my in public. The catch? A guy I casually date when he comes to town is coming here this weekend and I have plans with him that we made months ago. I am so afraid I am going to misbehave if I keep those plans with him. What should I do? Make up a story? Go?

Help!

Miss confused….

Dear Miss confused,

You should tell him your grandmother is in town and has one week left to live� After that she is going to have experimental surgery� But in order for this lie to work you really need to start talking about the surgery to everyone that knows the both of you. Make sure you have all your chickens in a row so you won’t get caught and defiantly include medical terms and furrow your eye brows while doing so. You might even get a few sympathy cards from people. Not what you were looking for? Oh well, tell him the truth. I know the truth is a pain and you could hurt his feelings but you won’t look like a dumb a#* if you get caught in a lie. And really, there is something horrible about lying about your grandma. So tell him you have finally met someone you really like and you are terrified that you could screw it up if you are back to your old behaviors.

Dear Andrea Answers:

What should you do if your best bud got you a gift subscription to Match.com, but when you looked at the acceptable men in your area none were looking for divorced women with kids? (I’m the divorced woman with kids, by the way…)

Dear Dating Dilemma,

I would get rid of the children. Do they have a father? They should go live with their father until you are re-married and then they could come live with you again. It will only be for two years tops. After all, children grow up but a good man will last forever.

I have a feeling that is not quite what you are looking for…all joking aside dating takes a lot of patience. It might help to expand your search area, if only to meet some people to chat with. If you don’t meet someone this time out then at least you are out there looking to meet new people. Please don’t follow my above advice, your children might be sad…

Where in the hell are Britney’s friends and family? Seriously she has millions of dollars and no one is stopping her from going crazy?? I thank God that I have enough nosy people in my life to stop me from acting like a fool. If I shaved my head there would be so many people taking my babies and driving me to the nearest hospital. Why is no one fighting for this girl. Cause really she is a little girl. In cases like this it is fine for friends to get too involved. Shaving the head is a big yes for over involvement. What do you think?

I woke up this morning at 8. Any time this happens all hell tends to break loose in my house. I get up at 7 and everything is good. The minute the clock hits 8, Satan visit. Yes, Satan is living in my clock. My deedsey spent the morning following me around crying, which is awesome. Nothing better than to have your daughter following you around while crying. Love it. And then my BFF called me. Lets call her Belle. So Ms. Belle calls me to tell me about an email she sent to our other friend, Snow White. Oh my what a letter. A letter which was written under the best of intentions. But you know what people say about intentions…blah blah the road to hell. Now Ms. White is hurt and so is Ms. Belle. Here is my question…is it possible to go to far when trying to “save a friend”? Are there times when we should just give and ear? But what if we don’t go far enough? What then? Like Izzie on Grey’s should we fight for our friends when we don’t think they are fighting hard enough for themselves??? I’m gettting my CPR re-certified today, I might need it by the end of the day.

Question:

Are you pregnant?

Answer:

No, I am just super tubby in my tummy region. Yes my readers, (Do I even have readers?) I have been asked that over the past months. It would not be so bad but I keep getting my tummy patted and then I have people look at my sadly when I say no. I am trying to feel great about the way I look. Not just ok, but great. How can I do that with people patting me? I am not the bunny book, I am a grown damn women. Seriously, I am fine with my body and yes I have been pregnant. I’m not now. Remember: I can do sit ups to take away my tummy. You can’t do anything to take away that you patted me. Good thing I’m not in a mood over this.

Question: 

How do you deal with a friend who has become knocked
up, but who still wants to be involved in all your
plans and gets mad/jealous when you don't involve
them? For example this summer a few of my friends and
I are planning a little long weekend type trip to
visit another of our friends who lives in Virginia.
Knocked up friend acted like she was in a huff because
we were obviously not including her in our plans. The
reason we are not including her is that she will, by
the time of our trip, have a 2 month old. Were we
being rude not inviting her? Or are we safe to assume
that after giving birth and having an infant to deal
with its probably not feasible to plan a 6 hour car
trip with said infant in tow? Please provide some
insight on this!

Answer:  

I thought about this question for awhile, so many

answers come to mind. Once your friend has a

baby her whole life is going to change. At this

point she is thinking of the pregnancy and

has no concept of the infant. She'll learn.

Traveling for six hours alone is utter madness

when you have a newborn. Seriously, how will

she feed her baby? At that stage they can eat

every two hours plus they are up all night!

The hardest thing for a pregnant person to

"get" is that not everyone a "kid person".

So to answer your question, let her know you

and your friends are getting together for a kid

free weekend. Make plans with her later that

will involve fawning all over her baby

Really thats what she wants; someone to fawn

all over baby and people to keep her in the know.

But don't let her moods dictate the fun. Things

always change when men and babies are involved.

Can you ever get back with an ex and have it work? I mean really work and not be like a long three part goodbye???

Question:

Should you go on an outing to meet friends knowing an ex and his girl will be there? Even when the “girl” is a little nutty and does not want you and around and possibly would confront you?

Answer: Yes absolutely! Being around people of questionable insanity is great. Its kind of like when you are having a really horrible day so you read the tabloids and see how crazy Britney and Lindsey are. You automatically feel in control and great about yourself. Go meet your friends and don’t worry about the ex. He didn’t worry about you and it would be great to ruin his night by having his girlfriend lose her temper. Especially when you treat her kindly like she has a serious disease. Of course all people of questionable sanity need to be treated kindly. They are most likely to shave your head while you are sleeping.

So the other night my sister called with a jeans emergency. Could she wear a pair of straight leg jeans? Interesting question as I am not one to approve the wearing of straight leg jeans and especially not if you are a little hippy or carry some junk in your trunk.  Morgan is tall with some long a#@ legs so I definitely approved the jeans but with some rules. First if you are going with the straight leg jeans make sure you are wearing shoes without the chunky look. A pair of sexy boots or heels would be great. Also, watch your top and don’t go with something heavy and big. Keep it sleek and neat. Make sure your pockets in the back are places correctly. Take a friend with you because pockets can make or break your arse. I’d say ass but I am trying to keep it clean.  My sister is always available to go shopping with you or clean out your closet of crappy fitting jeans. I know you people have them, unless you love them, take them off.