Took the kids to a party yesterday. I really don’t like kids birthday parties. They have a limited control factor over them especially when the other parents are involved. I know most of these parents from the kids school. And since they are Annapolis parents there is a level of competitiveness that is associated with the area. I mean really the whole city is filled with haves and have nots. Awesome. A mom asked me if I was doing the school again next year. Yea, I am. Both kids will be there. Thing one will be there all day everyday. His sister thing two will be there three mornings a week. The other mom begins a long explanation of how they can’t afford the school. I nodded with agreement that school was expensive. Christ, everything is f’ing expensive. It was so uncomfortable how she kept going with the whole expensive thing. I felt like apologizing for being able to afford it. When really how we do it is our business.  So I just sat there trapped, listening to her life quandary. Getting it, I really do. I get that its hard. With everything falling apart now, do you every feeling like justifying what you can afford?

This past week I spent some time with my mom and grandma. Of course, memories come up and without guiding them there often times we can remember the bad choices a person makes. The person in question is my grandfather. He has been gone for 13 years now. Bringing my children to visit my grandma only seems exacerbate the fact that he is gone. He died very young and missed out on weddings, college graduations, high school graduations and new babies. I know my grandfather was not a perfect man but when someone passes on they slowly move to a pedestal. I have such a hard time listening to anything negative my grandma might share. I know this isn’t only true for our loved ones who have passed. We all have those people in our lives that we don’t really see as humans and God forbid they should disappoint us. My sister and I have put our dad up there. This is why it makes it so hard that he left me at ballet once for an extra three hours and my poor sister almost had to walk home from gymnastics…she was five. Tell me, who have you put up there?

Why do young teenagers insist on wearing thick black eyeliner? Chances are if you visit a middle school you will run into dozens of young Avril Lavigne lookalikes. One of my closest friend’s daughter loves to do this. If you give her a an inch she will paint of mile of black eyeliner around her eyes. The real kicker? She looks amazing without the eye liner and yet she prefers it. I think it must be the idea of hiding who they are under who they really want to be. That must be it. When I was 13 I tried so hard to make my hair look like everyone elses. I really did. Here is an example:

I had no business having bangs, and yet there you go right in the middle of my head. Bangs curled in obscene directions.� By the way I am not the one in the lime green sweatshirt. That is Karen and she also had silly bangs. I think she wore black eyeliner and black tennis shoes. We all had to look exactly alike, if you were different you had nothing to hide behind. And lord knows you can hide anything behind black shoes. Tell me, what trends do you think teenagers are using to hide behind? Is anyone at this age really accepting with being an individual? I realize that the era of Myspace pages claims to recognize individuality but honestly do teenagers really accept this?

Most of my days are spent with young children or teenagers. I absolutely love both age groups because they are so similar which includes their ridiculous sayings and constant mood swings. My teens usually keep me updated on all the latest trends. Hey, thats why I love Myspace. I recommend to all parents that they create a Myspace page and then make sure they are on their child’s friend page. If they don’t add you, make sure they delete their account. The amount of info on Myspace is amazing. Plus, they tend to forget they have you as a friend and then you are so on top of the naughty behaviors. I am not ashamed to spy on my high school gymnasts and then turn them into their parents when I read or see questionable material.

The current or maybe not so current slang term is “hot mess”. Used as: “That girl that just walked in is a hot mess, she has stains all over her clothes and her hair is a mess”. The only hot mess I know about is the one my German Shepherd puppy makes on my floor. Literally you are calling someone a stinky pile of grossness. Stop. Seriously, Stop. It sounds inane.

I’m not sure I answered my last post correctly. Looking back, I believe I was rather blah about the whole thing. Divorce is tricky enough without children involved. Taking more time to read and think about the question, i’m adjusting my response. Staying in a marriage ONLY for the children really seems to be a raw deal for the kids. They grow up having no concept of what a loving relationship is, the cycle of bad marriage will inevitably continue. I can’t imagine spending 5 or even 10 years living with someone you don’t love or even really like. The only thing the children get out of it is seeing their parents every day. Parents who are not at their best, living the best life they can. What’s the point? On the other hand, making the best out of your marriage, if there is something there, is worth staying for. Working hard to preserve a family for as long as possible is ideal in my book. I know there are varied opinions and I want to hear them.

Dear Andrea,

My brother is madly in love with someone…its not his wife. Oh he loves her too, but a warm fuzzy friendship sort of way. Nice huh? In the five years they have been married, three have been spent in love with someone else. His reason for staying? His daughter. Recently, over a few beers, he informed me he was going to leave when his girl graduated. I spit beer all over him laughing. Does he seriously think leaving his wife in 14 plus year will make it better? Is it better to leave when the kids are older or younger?

Sincerely,

related to a dummy.

Dear Dummy Relative,

Leave now or leave later…does not matter, they both suck. Divorce is divorce. The benefit to waiting is living in the same house with your kid. But if you wait until they are older it will really piss them off and you may loose their love later in life, when you both need it more. The last thing a kid on the verge of adulthood needs is his parents splitting up. But seriously, your brother should stop wasting his wifes chance at finding someone who loves her. Not cool.

Dear Andrea,

I have been dating this guy for four years now. In that time I have gained about 70lbs, which seems to bother everyone. Its safe to say I am way beyond a size 14. Wayyyy beyond. My family keeps telling me to lose weight. This seems pointless because my guy says he likes me as is. So what do you think? Should I even bother and give up the food that I love?

Sincerely,

Too fat for fun?

Dear Ms. Fun,

Yes, you need to lose weight and no, he does not like you as is. Seriously, no one wants their significant other to gain a ton of weight. Do you want him to gain weight? Probably not. Ask yourself a couple questions…Does he take you out a lot? Does he comment positively on your appearance? Do others tell you that you look great in your clothes? You are seriously lying to yourself if you think appearance doesn’t matter when you are in a relationship. The world is run on what we look like. Being overweight is a social, health, and career risk. Not to mention that if he truly cared about you, he would not want you to risk your health with extra weight. Now take a deep breath, put down the doughnut, and take a walk.

What is an appropriate and polite amount of time to call someone back after they have left a message on your answering machine (assuming it’s not an emergency)? And how about responding back to an e-mail? Is it considered rude to not return a call or e-mail, or is it not really a big deal among friends?

This may sound disgusting but, how do you convince
your dog that eating cat poop is inappropriate? I have
been trying to do this for almost 2 years now and she
just won't listen. I constantly see her coming around
the corner licking her lips, litter stuck to her nose,
and I know exactly what she's been up to. Thank you
Answer Queen!

Dear Mother of Dog Eating Cat Poo,

Alas some dogs are born to eat shit and there is nothing you can do about it. Just like many a man is born to talk it...(shit that is).

Why fight nature and instead, give her a bib. Or maybe you could put the cat shit in her bowl and put the dog food in the litter box????