February « 2007 « Andrea’s Round Table

February, 2007

Wednesday, February 28th, 2007

Penis Puzzlement

Dear Andrea,

My husband and I are trying to decide on a common term for our two-year-old son’s penis since he is going to be potty training soon. I am of the opinion that we should use the correct term, and I have no problem doing this. But he feels that it would be awkward if our son suddenly started saying penis in mixed conversation. (I assume he is talking about family functions, at the grocery store, etc.) He feels that would be inappropriate. However, the alternatives he suggests are entirely unacceptable to me, far more embarrassing, and frankly, juvenile. My question is, do we NEED to have a “common” term that we use, and if so, what would you suggest? I also really would like to know what I can do about the fact that my husband seems to be uncomfortable saying the word “penis”. Dear God!

Sincerely,

Penis Puzzlement

Dearest Puzzled,

I am in total agreement with the use of silly nicknames for a body party. We don’t have nicknames for our hands or feet? How is a penis any different? It is a part of the body that serves a function and nothing to be ashamed of…Unless your husband comes from a family that has strange looking penises? Maybe that’s why he is so uncomfortable. Just let him know that saying the word penis doesn’t mean we have to see said penis in question. Maybe you could give him a reward every time he says the word until he gets comfortable. The reward you use is up to you. But honestly your son will come up with his own word, my son calls his a meemis. His favorite thing is to now ask people what they have, at first you might feel silly. But come on, how funny is that? Please have him write me a note if he has further issues and I will offer some penis therapy. Not that kind you dirty thing.

Posted in Guy Questions | 2 Comments »

Wednesday, February 28th, 2007

A Crime Against Humanity….

Here is a thought from a very smart reader….

Have you heard the news about the 200+ pound British 7 year old? The social services department tried to take this whale of a kid away from his whale parents. Is this the right thing to do? I think if they really cared, they would give the kid a gastric bypass and then put him on a reality TV show with celebrities that are trying to loss weight. Maybe they could get Fergi and some other British lards, and maybe even some American fatties, like Jared – he is getting fat again. What about Al Gore? He looked like a fricking butterball on the Oscars.

Answers to such a thoughtful question….

Have you heard the rumors that Al Gore might run from president again? Really, the guy is way too fat to make a run for it. He might be able to waddle for president but that’s as far as he would go with that race. Not to mention there are some other distasteful rumors about his electric bill…it appears he is roughly spending $1200 a month! Dude, stop frying so many hot dogs and go for a walk. This will cut down on the weight and waste…

Its hard to believe that we will throw our hands up in rage over malnourished children and then completely ignore feeding someone to death. That’s what these parents are doing. Allowing any child to become this big is a crime and should be treated like any standard neglect case. This child’s story has reality t.v. written all over it. But what would it be called? More importantly would you call CPS (child protective services) if you knew a child in this situation?

Posted in Interesting Questions | No Comments »

Wednesday, February 28th, 2007

Dating Dilemma

Dear Andrea Answers:

What should you do if your best bud got you a gift subscription to Match.com, but when you looked at the acceptable men in your area none were looking for divorced women with kids? (I’m the divorced woman with kids, by the way…)

Dear Dating Dilemma,

I would get rid of the children. Do they have a father? They should go live with their father until you are re-married and then they could come live with you again. It will only be for two years tops. After all, children grow up but a good man will last forever.

I have a feeling that is not quite what you are looking for…all joking aside dating takes a lot of patience. It might help to expand your search area, if only to meet some people to chat with. If you don’t meet someone this time out then at least you are out there looking to meet new people. Please don’t follow my above advice, your children might be sad…

Posted in Chick Questions | No Comments »

Tuesday, February 27th, 2007

Making Life so Simple

I love using new products and services, and I am all about anything I can get off the internet. I wanted to make a list to share with you everything that I am currently in love with…

1. Having my groceries delivered.

2. That automatic shower cleaner. Love it!!!

3. All about the swiffer.

4. Teaching my 3 yr old to vacuum.

5. Mr. Clean Magic Eraser!!!!! It will get rid of anything!!!

6. Buying linens (towels, sheets, pillows, etc) off of Overstock. Cheap Cheap Cheap!!!!!

Lets add away!!!

Posted in Products We Love, Uncategorized | 5 Comments »

Tuesday, February 27th, 2007

Guest Writer Lady Lori

At five in the AM when I was suffering from my whooping cough (I diagnosed myself) I had some profound insight that came to me (definitely due to the growth spurt I recently had). I also diagnosed Brittany’s condition. Not that I want to spend a lot of time on the subject but here are two more thoughts and then her and her mother can do what they want with the info I am putting out there.

Title: Parenting Has No Beginning and No End
Lynn, this one’s for you! Parenting has no boundaries. Parenting is forever. What are you doing, sitting in your car and watching your daughter attack the paparazzi with an umbrella? ( and Lynn, we all are very much aware of who gave Brit the umbrella. Crazed bald headed people don’t absent mindedly carry them around)! Mothers everywhere, including myself, would have stood up and applauded, had you gotten your lazy arse out of the car to stop the attack. You are still Brit’s mother and responsible for her actions. Why did you allow this to continue? (and further more why are you driving the get away car?)

Title: Diagnoses of Brittany and Her Behavior

Now I am no expert on the subject of post-partum depression, but I believe this is what is ailing Brit.
Let’s take a walk down memory lane. After giving birth to both of her sons, Brittany was almost always photographed with them. (K-fed rarely made an appearance with the children)-Clue #1
Many of the sightings, however, of Brit and the babes were highly questionable. (you may recall Brit driving frantically down the interstate with young Sean Preston in her lap and body guard in passenger seat) Clue#2 After Brits parenting skills were called into question several times, things seemed to calm down. (seemed-key word) Post-partum remained lying dormant, soon to be released upon the break up of her and K-fed. Her erratic behavior immediately came out.-Clue #3
This is the result of undiagnosed post-partum depression. Where is Brooke Shields, well known author and expert on the subject, when you need her?

Posted in Life Events | 3 Comments »

Tuesday, February 27th, 2007

Are You Are Product Whore???

Answering just for myself I am going to say yes, I know my sister is too. Something inside us drives us on our quest for the perfect skin. We scour magazines and product counters looking for the perfect product. The one that will take away wrinkles, dry skin, and any unwanted blemish. We want to hear from you, what products do you love? What ones should we write about?

Posted in Products We Love | 5 Comments »

Monday, February 26th, 2007

Ok so i’ll bite

Where in the hell are Britney’s friends and family? Seriously she has millions of dollars and no one is stopping her from going crazy?? I thank God that I have enough nosy people in my life to stop me from acting like a fool. If I shaved my head there would be so many people taking my babies and driving me to the nearest hospital. Why is no one fighting for this girl. Cause really she is a little girl. In cases like this it is fine for friends to get too involved. Shaving the head is a big yes for over involvement. What do you think?

Posted in Chick Questions | 3 Comments »

Monday, February 26th, 2007

Mystified in Michigan

Recently several people I work with noted that I looked particularly taller than usual. My shoe size has grown in the past year, I now wear a half size or whole size bigger than normal. I decided to measure myself and found I am over a half an inch taller. Is it reasonable to assume I have been abducted by aliens and injected with some strange growth hormone? Or am I simply, a freak!
Sincerely,
Mystified in Michigan

Dearest MM,

Have you been eating too many cheeseburgers??? Those things have nasty but yummy growth hormones in them. I’m guessing your consumption of that crap has caused you to grow. But seriously if your head hurts a lot then you prob have been abducted by aliens. I suggest you go to a doctor about this or keep a video camera trained on your bed all night to see if said aliens return.

Posted in Interesting Questions | No Comments »

Wednesday, February 21st, 2007

So are we friends????

I woke up this morning at 8. Any time this happens all hell tends to break loose in my house. I get up at 7 and everything is good. The minute the clock hits 8, Satan visit. Yes, Satan is living in my clock. My deedsey spent the morning following me around crying, which is awesome. Nothing better than to have your daughter following you around while crying. Love it. And then my BFF called me. Lets call her Belle. So Ms. Belle calls me to tell me about an email she sent to our other friend, Snow White. Oh my what a letter. A letter which was written under the best of intentions. But you know what people say about intentions…blah blah the road to hell. Now Ms. White is hurt and so is Ms. Belle. Here is my question…is it possible to go to far when trying to “save a friend”? Are there times when we should just give and ear? But what if we don’t go far enough? What then? Like Izzie on Grey’s should we fight for our friends when we don’t think they are fighting hard enough for themselves??? I’m gettting my CPR re-certified today, I might need it by the end of the day.

Posted in Chick Questions | 2 Comments »

Monday, February 12th, 2007

Another Pregnant Question

Question:

Are you pregnant?

Answer:

No, I am just super tubby in my tummy region. Yes my readers, (Do I even have readers?) I have been asked that over the past months. It would not be so bad but I keep getting my tummy patted and then I have people look at my sadly when I say no. I am trying to feel great about the way I look. Not just ok, but great. How can I do that with people patting me? I am not the bunny book, I am a grown damn women. Seriously, I am fine with my body and yes I have been pregnant. I’m not now. Remember: I can do sit ups to take away my tummy. You can’t do anything to take away that you patted me. Good thing I’m not in a mood over this.

Posted in Chick Questions | No Comments »