I’m not sure I answered my last post correctly. Looking back, I believe I was rather blah about the whole thing. Divorce is tricky enough without children involved. Taking more time to read and think about the question, i’m adjusting my response. Staying in a marriage ONLY for the children really seems to be a raw deal for the kids. They grow up having no concept of what a loving relationship is, the cycle of bad marriage will inevitably continue. I can’t imagine spending 5 or even 10 years living with someone you don’t love or even really like. The only thing the children get out of it is seeing their parents every day. Parents who are not at their best, living the best life they can. What’s the point? On the other hand, making the best out of your marriage, if there is something there, is worth staying for. Working hard to preserve a family for as long as possible is ideal in my book. I know there are varied opinions and I want to hear them.

Dear Andrea,

My brother is madly in love with someone…its not his wife. Oh he loves her too, but a warm fuzzy friendship sort of way. Nice huh? In the five years they have been married, three have been spent in love with someone else. His reason for staying? His daughter. Recently, over a few beers, he informed me he was going to leave when his girl graduated. I spit beer all over him laughing. Does he seriously think leaving his wife in 14 plus year will make it better? Is it better to leave when the kids are older or younger?

Sincerely,

related to a dummy.

Dear Dummy Relative,

Leave now or leave later…does not matter, they both suck. Divorce is divorce. The benefit to waiting is living in the same house with your kid. But if you wait until they are older it will really piss them off and you may loose their love later in life, when you both need it more. The last thing a kid on the verge of adulthood needs is his parents splitting up. But seriously, your brother should stop wasting his wifes chance at finding someone who loves her. Not cool.

Dear Andrea,

I have been dating this guy for four years now. In that time I have gained about 70lbs, which seems to bother everyone. Its safe to say I am way beyond a size 14. Wayyyy beyond. My family keeps telling me to lose weight. This seems pointless because my guy says he likes me as is. So what do you think? Should I even bother and give up the food that I love?

Sincerely,

Too fat for fun?

Dear Ms. Fun,

Yes, you need to lose weight and no, he does not like you as is. Seriously, no one wants their significant other to gain a ton of weight. Do you want him to gain weight? Probably not. Ask yourself a couple questions…Does he take you out a lot? Does he comment positively on your appearance? Do others tell you that you look great in your clothes? You are seriously lying to yourself if you think appearance doesn’t matter when you are in a relationship. The world is run on what we look like. Being overweight is a social, health, and career risk. Not to mention that if he truly cared about you, he would not want you to risk your health with extra weight. Now take a deep breath, put down the doughnut, and take a walk.